As I mentioned in my video, studies indicate that non-verbal communication represents anywhere from 75% – 90%. You can say the exact same words, but with a different tone of voice, it sends a very, altered message. I give an example of how the same phrase can be said in different ways. You may not want to sound mean or rude, but it could be perceived that way.
If you are not getting the reaction you were looking for, ask a trusted family or friend to give you feedback. If you think you have offended or hurt someone, ask them if you have done so, apologize and learn from it. Don’t do it again. When I have coached others, I have suggested that they tape themselves and then listen back to hear how they said something.