Are you creative when solving problems?

In relationships and in a work environment, it is always a benefit to be creative.  If what you have been doing is not getting you the results you want, change your view.  How can you be creative?  Try looking at a problem from a different perspective.  Imagine you are a bird and look at the “bigger” picture from above.  What if you were a child and looked at a situation through their lens of innocence?  What if you were at the movie theater and watching your situation as if it was on the big screen?  Draw a picture of the situation or a panel of pictures such as a comic strip.  What would you name the cartoon?  How would it end?  What song would you write, what would the musical style be and lyrics?  How will you tap into your artistic talents to solve a problem?  Looking through a creative lens can bring you a new perspective and possible solutions.  As an artist, you can be free to try new ways of resolving difficulties.  If you don’t like what you created, change it.  Paint over the canvas and start fresh. Are you looking for permission to do this?  If so, then I give you creative license to do just that!

#problemsolving#creativeskills #kimcubittconsulting

Pandemic – Dealing with Anxiety

We are coping in unprecedented times with the Pandemic and “Shelter in Place” orders.  We are stressed over loss of work, lack of money and having enough food.  Compounding this is our inability to connect with others.  Develop strategies to cope with anxiety.  What follows are some ideas.

  1.  Connect with people on the computer or the phone.  Zoom is a possible medium for doing this.
  2. Listen to music.  Many sites are offering music, free of charge, during this difficult time.
  3. Meditation.  Some sites such as calm.com are offering this free a well.
  4. Write in a journal.  This is a great way of expressing your concerns and fears.
  5. Eat well and get rest.  If you can practice social distancing and go outside for a walk or get fresh air, do it.  Exercise is a great way of releasing stress.
  6. Watch TV and try a show you don’t usually watch.  This will peak your interest and you may learn something new.
  7. Take an online course.  Sites such as udemy.com offer free courses.
  8. Make money online.  Look for suggestions of how to make some added money online in such books like “12 Ways to Make Money Online” written by yours truly, Kimberly Rae Cubitt and available on Amazon.  https://www.amazon.com/Ways-Make-Money-Online-Knowledge-ebook/dp/B086L1LL47/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=12+ways+to+make+money+online+kimberly+rae&qid=1587319928&sr=8-3

Thank you to all our first responders, truck drivers, grocery store clerks and everyone that are keeping us safe, healthy and fed.  Remember, we will get through this, together!

#pandemic#anxiety #afterthepandemic #kimcubittconsulting

The Power of Affirmations

Affirmations are positive statements about your current world or how you envision it to be.  They could be declarations related to your personal life.  Are you looking for someone to share it with?  Do you want to attract the right person?  They could relate to your professional life.  Are you trying to work on a quality or skill such as being more assertive or taking a chance and doing a presentation?  When you use affirmations, it is important to look in a mirror at yourself and look into your eyes.  Also, if you say them aloud, it works in conjunction with using your sight to imprint in your brain what your intention is.  What do you want to happen?  By doing affirmations, multiples times a day, you are helping to train your brain to make the choices that will help you reach your goals.  Below are 3 that I have used in the past.  I encourage you to make your own.

  1. I will find a loving, caring person to share my life with.
  2. I will eat healthier including more fresh fruits and vegetables at every meal.
  3. I will be more assertive in meetings at work and share my ideas every time.

Good luck!  You can do this!

#affirmations#positivethinking #kimcubittconsulting

Sometimes You Have to Deal With the Crap in Your Relationship

Whether it’s at home or at work, there is bound to be crap.  I personally don’t do well with confrontation.  I was raised in a household that you maintained a conflict-free environment at all cost.  Some people like clashes.  I’m not one of them.  As I have gotten older, I have improved on this skill though.  Just like a toilet, if you don’t deal with the trouble and face it, you are going to have worse problems down the road. 

So how do you bring issues to the surface to address them?  Here are some strategies for you to consider.

  1. Timing is everything.  Expressing your frustrations with someone is best done when everyone is calm.  Ask the other person if this is a good time to talk.  If they say ‘no’, ask them when you can talk.  You don’t want to keep trying to ‘flush’ problems down the drain.  (See what I did there) It doesn’t work.
  • Use “I” statements.  If you say ‘you’ did this or ‘you’ did that, you will cause them to become defensive.  If you say “I feel _____________ when ___________ happens”, then you are not being accusatory and are instead creating an environment of collaboration and problem solving.
  • Be direct.  Don’t beat around the bush and pretend it is going to go away.  It can be uncomfortable but needs to be addressed.
  • Choose what is bothering you the most.  We are human and there will usually be something that annoys you.  Let the small stuff go.
  • Listen to what the other person has to say and be prepared to make some of your own changes. 

Things can get smelly and messy but if you don’t take care of the disorder yourself, you will end up paying for it later on.  Learning how to DIY your associations effectively will make you a better employee and partner. You may have to call a professional ‘relationship’ plumber, a counselor, if you can’t handle things but if you try to learn these skills in the beginning, you will be better off for it.  I had many more plumbing analogies I could have used, but you get the point.  So put on your tool belt, grab the Liquid Plummer and plunger and get to work!

#challengingtimes#relationshipadvice #kimcubittconsulting

Tools You Need in Your Relationships

  1. Relationships take work.  They can be well worth the investment.  Choose 3 of the following to strengthen any relationship.
  •  Communicate – You need to speak and listen to the other person.  Be honest and respectful of the other person.  Don’t blame them.  Use “I” statements to express how you feel.  When saying “you”, a person is put on the defensive.  For example, I feel _______ when ________ happens. 
  • Be accepting of your significant other.  Love them ‘warts and all’.  Don’t try to change of them.  We can only change ourselves.
  • Make your companion feel special.  This doesn’t take a lot of money but does require you to be creative and use some ingenuity.  Often, the smallest gestures can make a big impact.
  • Having common interests can help you create shared memories.  It is time well spent.
  •  Let things go.  It can be hard to let the little ‘hurts’ go and not let them build up and up.  Over time, they will create a wall of resentment.
  • Spend quality time together.  Take those common interests and build on them.  You still need some time apart as well and when you are together, make it meaningful.
  • Don’t forget the fun factor.  Laughing is a great way of connecting and of relieving stress.  It also helps to keep you healthy.

#relationshipadvice #buildingrelationships #communicationskills #kimcubittconsulting

Givers, Matchers and Takers

It is important that you recognize if you are a giver, matcher or a taker.  A giver looks for ways to help and give to others.  They keep giving and giving until they have nothing left.  Matchers give back what they receive.  Takers look at getting whatever they can from others.  Takers use manipulation by what they say and do to control someone else.  They don’t care what the cost is to another person.  It is difficult to sustain a relationship where one is the giver and the other is the taker.  In a healthy relationship there is giving and taking and no one is keeping score.  Watch how a taker treats others.  If they use them then cast them aside when they get what they want, they are a taker.

What do you do if you are in a personal or professional relationship with a taker?  First red flag, “actions speak louder than words.”  If it is expected that you are going to be giving, listen carefully.  If someone is hinting that they want something and you have to give it, watch out!  The taker knows that the giver has a need to fix and rescue someone.

A giver has difficulty in receiving so they can also be a taker.  It brings joy to the other person to give you something, so receive it and say ‘thank you’.  Make sure your motives for giving are sincere.  Whether you are a giver or a taker, these are formed when we are children.  Both people have to be willing to work at it.  If not, then the relationship will continue to spiral out of control.

  1.  Practice giving without expectation of getting something in return.  If you receive something, take it and say ‘thank you’.
  2. Stop keeping score of what you give and get.  Focus on the good feeling you get from getting and receiving. 
  3. Givers can be the most and least successful in relationships.  Learn how to manage Matchers and Takers.
  4. Use words such as, “Okay, so we agree.  I will do this and in exchange you will do that.”

Adam Grant has written books on these types of groups and is something you may want to do more research on.

#givers#matchers#takers #kimcubittconsulting

What You Focus on Grows

If you focus on what you don’t have all the time, that negativity will grow and consume you.  You will tend to find all the things that are wrong in your life.  We all have challenges and you can decide to look at what you have instead of what you perceive to be lacking.  In times of uncertainty, you can look at all the great things in your life.  Your health, food to eat, friends and family and so on.  You have skills that can help you find a job if you want something new.  Use this time to learn something new. There are agencies in our community to help you rise above your challenges.  You can choose to look at the wonderful things that are happening in your life and community and choose to see the glass half full.

You have the power and control to do this.  The more you do, the more you will see around you all that is good and positive.  Having things are not always what is important.  It is the relationships with others.  The news can be discouraging at times so try to concentrate on stories on Youtube and other mediums that tell us about hope and inspire us to be better people.

You are wonderful!  Make your life a story that can inspire others as well. Anything is possible!

#focus#positivethinking #kimcubittconsulting

Rainbow after the Storm

Everyone has challenges.  It might be with a significant other, at work, health, money, etc.  It will help you to see these challenges as something positive.  I know, in the moment it is difficult to see.  However, afterwards life can seem so wonderful and sweeter if you have faced “the storm.”  You appreciate what you have that much more. 

Here are some strategies to help you through the tough times.

Take care of yourself first.  Make sure you are eating well, getting enough sleep and paying attention to how you are feeling, both emotionally and physically.  It is a sign of strength to ask for help.  Refrain from using drugs and alcohol to self-medicate.  If you need to, seek professional help.

Find a support system.  This could be family, friends or your church for example.  If someone is your life is toxic, get away from them. 

Believing that these challenges will not last forever can keep your spirits high.  Try to look beyond it.

Laugh!  Find a funny movie or spend time with someone who makes you laugh.

Listen to music or meditate.  These are both powerful tools to help you deal with stress.

Ask yourself, ‘Big Deal, Little Deal’?  Often you may just be having a bad day.  We are all entitled to one every now and then.  Often something may be a case of us blowing it out of proportion; making a big deal out of a little deal. 

Take control!  If it is something you can change, then do it.  It may mean taking baby steps.  If not, be like the willow tree in the wind and bend.  Go with the flow.

Positive Attitude.  If you don’t have one, get one.  Our own self-talk can be the greatest barrier to having a good attitude.  People with a good attitude tend to be happier in general and healthier. 

Smile!  Just the act of smiling can make you feel better.  It’s true!

#challenges#disappointment#loss #kimcubittconsulting

Online Dating and Staying Safe

Here are some strategies I have used when online dating. 

  1. Let your family or a friend know where you are going and who you are meeting.  Give them a time that you expect to be home and call them periodically to keep them updated.  Share the other person’s contact information as well.
  2. Keep the person’s profile up on your computer so others know. 
  3. If their picture is different from the one on their profile when you meet them, take a selfie with them and then discretely text it to whomever you are keeping updated on your dates. 
  4. Take a picture of their car and license plate number and send that to your family or friend as well.
  5. I met, at least initially, in a public place during the day.  Then I didn’t have to contend with the other person having alcohol and it seemed to keep it light with few expectations. 
  6. Arrive early and never leave your drink or food unattended.  Even if you are going to the salad bar or bathroom, get a new drink.  Replenish your plate as well after using the restroom.  This includes at the bar if you decide to drink.  I don’t recommend this, but it is up to you.  When people drink, their decision making and reasoning skills are negatively impacted. 
  7. Don’t overshare personal information such as your daily schedule and home address. 
  8. Sit across the table from the person you are meeting.  I don’t sit next to them.  This keeps you safer with the table acting as a barrier. 

Check out my book.  It is called Shoes and Relationships.  It is a fun comparison between browsing and buying shoes and how they might represent different relationships, both personal and professional.  I share some of my personal dating stories for your reading pleasure.  I think you’ll like it!

#onlinedating#datingtips #datingsafety #kimcubittconsulting

Coping with Change

When thinking about change, consider the following key ideas. 

  1. Is all change bad?  What are three good things that can come out of change?  What are three examples of positive change?   For each change you came up with, answer the following.
  2. Think about what you will gain, NOT what you will lose for each change. 
  3. The more information you can get, the better prepared you will be to handle changes.  What information will you get for each change you listed.
  4. Can you get help from others?  Whenever possible, do it!  It is a strength to ask and receive help.  Who would you get help from for each change?
  5. We each have a different amount of change we can handle at one time.  Take time to take care of you.
  6. Embracing change and seeing it as something great, will help you in all aspects of your life.

#copingskills#changemanagement #kimcubittconsulting